


13

by orphan_account



Series: Tumblr Prompts [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-29
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 06:04:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous asked: Sabriel with a jealous Gabriel when Balthazar keeps hitting on Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	13

Two hunters, two angels, and an archangel walk into a bar.

One hunter looks like an underwear model, has a leather jacket, and a bucketful of daddy issues that pours into a bathtub full of self-esteem issues.

The other hunter wears a lot of plaid, has a hero complex, and used to be addicted to demon blood.

One of the angels wears a trenchcoat that is two sizes too big for him and has the sense of humor of a potted plant.

The other angel has an addiction to V-neck shirts, a smarmy British accent, and will try to get into the pants of anything that will hold still long enough.

The archangel used to be a pagan god, likes candy too much, and has the sense of humor of a kid with an ant colony and a magnifying glass. Oh, and he’s in love with the hunter. No, not the underwear model. The one with the hero complex.

Cue the punchline:

It’s the End of the Days and they hold the fate of the world in their hands.

I’m sorry. That wasn’t very funny, was it?

Well, when this is the team that’s supposed to save the world, no one’s really laughing, are they?

But today, this little rag tag group that condescendingly call themselves Team Free Will is taking a break from world-saving and is going to a bar to unwind.

The underwear model (Dean) takes the trenchcoat-wearing angel (Castiel) and sits him on a stool, orders two beers for them and ignore the other three because, frankly, they’re kind of annoying.

Not so much the plaid-loving hunter (Sam), because he’s pretty quiet and keeps to himself. But the hyperactive archangel (Gabriel) hangs around him a lot and the British angel (Balthazar) likes to annoy Gabriel on their days off by hitting on Sam, and that tends to get irritating. So Dean and Castiel just ignore them.

Sometimes Sam will send his brother (did I not mention that the hunters are brothers? Well, they are) pleading looks, silently begging for rescue, but Dean will be too focused on his conversation with Castiel to really notice.

So Sam just has to suck it up.

He just has to deal with Balthazar sitting too close to him. Has to deal with Balthazar leaning into his personal space. He has to deal with Balthazar’s come-ons and compliments, and no matter how much he tries to discourage him, Balthazar doesn’t relent.

 

“Your hair looks particularly fabulous today, Sam. Did you do something different?”

“Your muscles look so much thicker, have you been working out? Or maybe it’s just all the demon hunting you’ve been doing lately. Poor lad, you just can’t catch a break, can you?”

“That shirt is so unflattering on you, Sam. Maybe you should take it off.”

“I don’t understand why you settle for Shortstack over there. I bet he’s not nearly as adventurous as I am.”

“Dear God, Sam, you are so strong. I bet you know exactly how to use those strong arms of yours, don’t you? Care to come back to the motel with me and give me a bit of a demonstration?”

The thing is, Sam knows that Balthazar isn’t really that interested in him. Sure, maybe Balthazar wants to fuck him, but Balthazar will fuck anything with legs. And maybe even without legs. He’s not that picky, really. The reason Balthazar hits on Sam so much is just to get a rise out of Gabriel.

Sam knows this. Gabriel knows this. Hell, Dean and Castiel know this and they don’t look up from their conversation long enough to order another beer, let alone pay attention to their three companions.

Even though Gabriel knows that Balthazar does it just to be a dick, it still annoys him.

“Balthazar, shut up. No one wants to hear that fake British accent.”

“He wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last supernatural being around. He’d fuck a human before fucking you.” (Sam had been insulted, but couldn’t really argue, so he’d just kept his mouth shut.)

“I bet you’d like to know how good he is, wouldn’t you? Too bad for you, I’m the only one who knows. At least, the only one alive.” (Again, insulted but couldn’t argue.)

“Balthazar, I swear to Father, if you don’t stop right now, I will unleash a pack of wild dogs on your ass.”

Sam couldn’t do anything but sigh, because it didn’t matter where they went or what they did, these two always found a way to ruin it. 

It was expected, just the way that Balthazar’s hand finding its way to Sam’s thigh and squeezing was expected. It still made Sam jump though, and that’s when Gabriel lost it.

As they ran to the Impala three minutes later, the angry bartender yelling obscenities at them and waving a dirty bar rag at them, promising that he  _will_ sue them for the gaping, smoldering hole in his bar floor and he  _will_ call the police, Gabriel laughing in his ear, Sam’s pretty sure that it’s his life that is just one big punchline.


End file.
